Gobbledygook

nothing ever ends

2009-07-20T00:08:00.000-07:00

Well its been awhile. nothing personal.

you know how people always look back on time and say how it seems like just yesterday? since the day you first met. since the baby was born. since you started that job. just yesterday?
I wish i knew their secret.

I'm looking back and it doesn't feel like yesterday. 6 years. That's how long its been since i left my life in California and went on a road trip to the absolute-middle-of-nowhere Texas. a trip that should have lasted a month. three tops. but 6 years? Not a chance.

And now that it is all over and I'm finally heading "home" I keep telling people that I'll be back.
one year. two tops. then I'll be back. but i know. and the smart ones they know. we can't plan our future. this place that i hated and then tolerated and now don't know what I'll do with out has become a part of my life. just like every person I've met here. and every un-airconditioned house I've ever lived in. every horrible customer I've every had to deal with. every sleazy bar I've taken a shot in. and every beautiful boy I've every kissed. these are memories. take away one and you might as well erase them all. this is life.

Welcome.

The Spirit is....

2009-04-11T01:40:00.000-07:00

a mix between Zorro and Sin City.

not sure wither i like it yet or not...

i'm gonna drink on it.

either way. Frank Miller is badass.

someday...

2009-04-11T01:03:00.000-07:00

i will learn to flip a coin the "right" way

i'm sorry

2009-03-20T12:39:00.000-07:00

for not knowing how to shake a Chicken Caesar Salad as well as you.

Its the only way to leave.

2009-03-15T03:03:00.000-07:00

i don't love you anymore...

goodbye.

shameless plug

2009-03-06T11:22:00.000-08:00

I can't count how many times I've been on a blog and read:

'i don't know how many people still come here but..."

well there is a way to know. statcounter.com get over there and save yourself the wondering. not only can you know how many people visit your site each day/week/bi-week/semester/trimester. but you can also find out where these visitors are from and how many times they visit per day/week/bi-week etc. as well as other tasty tidbits that you never thought you'd be interested in but now wonder how you ever lived without.

statcounter.com release the inner stalker.

paper clips

2009-02-22T02:44:00.000-08:00

ask and i'll tell you
as of right now.
not asleep or awake.
either one would be a statement.
i'm not ready to make.
i'm faking this.
because admittance
it's a fist in your face
i dare you to swallow it
like it's a common practice
its not. i promise.
as of yet unidentified
scientist still don't know what to call it.
but it's bona fide.
swear to god. not really.
but you'll never know truly
ever know really
so why does it matter?
i win.
u lose.
always do
tell me again why it matters?
what if
u won
and i didn't?
fat chance.
i said what if
dont be bitter.
i will try not to rub it in
'try' being the key word in this sentence
how could i not??
don't forgive.
because i never will.

a day late. a dollar short.

2009-02-15T11:48:00.000-08:00

In honor of Saint V. I post.

I like this.

reminds me of you.

two years ago today...

2009-02-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

I packed all of my belongings into a cramped little white car and braced myself for a new chapter of my already adventurous life. It was a Sunday. It was the Superbowl and there was lots of beer!!

i knew then that i was gonna like this town.

Happy Sunday. may the best team win.

I'm tired of...

2008-12-21T16:00:00.001-08:00

declined credit cards
comments on the weather (it's winter. of course it's cold out.)
unsupervised children
unsupervised adults
holiday promotions
any promotions.

six days to go and then i will celebrate the end of the madness and things getting back to normal.

sort of.

Humbug

2008-12-02T13:20:00.001-08:00

best part about the holidays.

it's when all the good coffee flavors come out to play.

My Silence is Golden.

2008-11-26T10:07:00.000-08:00

Why cheapen it with words?

this just in

2008-10-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

the possibility of something truly earth-shattering and cosmic is on my horizon.

i'd tell you.
but then i'd have to kill you.

in other current updates.
i have monkey toes.
very useful for all of two things. winning at under-the-covers-toe-fighting-contests.
and.........uh..........i take that last statement back. they really are only good for all of one thing.

no work today.
watch out world.
anything could happen.

the Prodigal

2008-10-17T14:21:00.000-07:00

its cold.
you warm me.
i'm tired.
you won't let me sleep.
i hold you with both hands.
you fit so perfectly.
they tell me to quit you.
get you out of my system.
before its too late.
i tried.
but its too late.
without you i'm useless.
you are strong when i need you to be.
you are black and white.
you are bitter and then sweet.
on weekends you taste like vanilla.
and surprise me the rest of the week.
we're amazing together.
i've already had you twice this morning.
and promised one for the road.
how do you do it?

dear coffee,
i am forever yours.
(at least until redbull goes on sale)

multiple choice:

2008-10-14T20:32:00.000-07:00

You know it's too early to be awake when:

A: you pass kids on their way to school, instead of returning from it.

B: wearing sunglasses leads to the assumption that you are either extremely bohemian or a Jack Nicholson wannabe.

C: you see more people leaving the gas station with coffee then six-packs.

or

D: all of the above

(hint: there is no correct answer. although option D just about sums up my morning. viva la espresso!!!)

a requited love story

2008-10-07T09:59:00.001-07:00

thanks to a silly contest at work i now have a computer to call my own. dependable if not spanking new. a saying about beggars and choosers comes to mind. and so any performance lacks i shall keep to myself.
this means i am now able to continue my passionate affair with the wonderful world of web
after a long and rather painful separation. which at times left me lonely and i'm ashamed to admit forced me to seek out the company of others. (i promise it didn't mean anything)
but that is all in the past. we're together again. fingers lightly resting on mouse pad. left click. right click. after an awkward pause i locate the spacebar and realize that everything is in its rightful place and nothings changed, old feelings and memories resurface.
(how ever did i last this long without you?)

unfortunately, we can not linger here a moment longer. there is so much we have to catch up on. new sites and bites and sounds. the ring is back on and its official.

this lady is taken.

New Post

2008-08-04T23:15:00.000-07:00

look who's back. back again. now a stranger to this space i once frequented. i owe this spontaneous visit to my little brother who is currently visiting. i have taken his laptop hostage in exchange for a choice spot in my living room and occasional meals. i wish i could brag that the last eight months of silence have been among the most productive and worthwhile of my life. but I've used up my lies (both black and white) for the week.

honestly though. things haven't been too bad in my neck of the city. working enough to keep the debtors away. drinking enough to forget about both work and the debtors. best are the few and far between visits from old pals. (ahem: now don't you feel bad?) a weekend trip to Dallas last week for a Journey concert was pretty sweet. swaying to "open arms" with hundreds of loyal fans was a highlight. fo' sho
took a week away from the daily grind in order to partake in the union of my lovely cousin and her man. yes i wore a dress and heels (kept my fingers crossed). no, there will not be pictures!

so yeah. theres that and more but i gotta save something for next time...

(now its your turn to keep your fingers crossed)

tis the season filled with folly

2007-12-06T21:25:00.000-08:00

Lately i'm playing the juggling game.

it's risky.
it's stupid.
it's tiring.

inevitably someone is going to get hurt.
i wish it could be me.
but i promise you it won't ever be

all you have to do is jump over the moon

2007-11-29T20:31:00.000-08:00

jeans and t-shirt week at work is over. now it's back to black for me, actually beige and blue are my uniform colors so i suppose the correct term would be "it's back to beige and blue." though closer to the truth, it's just not as catchy.
aside from my rather frumpy uniform i am exceedingly fond of my new job. yea for me!

the holidays are upon us and passing by way to quickly. the other day my roommate decided we should decorate and so we did. by we of course i mean she. the few baubles i attempted to place upon the tree "mysterious" replaced themselves the moment i looked away.
so interior design is not my calling. no matter, i can string tinsel like it's nobodys business. yea for me again!

and so it's been one long week of small victories. the best kind. the kind that sneak up on you when you least expect it.

all this uncalled for positivity is starting to make me (and i'm sure you as well) a little queasy.
so i hope you'll understand if i abruptly take my leave. next time i promise something a little more in character. (read: morbid)

a bad case of the stir-crazies

2007-11-16T19:37:00.000-08:00

i know it's been awhile. but i figure today is as good a day as any.

it's somebody's birthday. so happy birthday.
it's someones funeral. if there is ever anything i can do...
it's someones nightmare. wake up already.
it's someones dream. i promise not to pinch you. (hard)

there are so many things now that i would take back if i had the option. but i don't. so i won't bother asking.

curious habit: i pull the labels off beer bottles. reflective thought: Mexican beers are harder to peel. reflective question: why is that?

today i made my first credit card purchase. i am now officially in debt to the Man.
tonight i'm babysitting the darlingest turdburger in my world. i could kiss him even after he's eaten a pile of spaghetti and i'm wearing white.
tomorrow is still a mystery. it might rain or pour. i could find a $100 bill on the floor and pay off my electric bill. or lose the same amount and help someone else pay off theirs. god only knows.
i can only hope your future is as nail-bitting as mine tends to be. it strengthens your jaw and keeps your nails from becoming weapons.

best wishes for a beautiful tomorrow. and since i don't plan on a speedy return.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!

finally something worth mentioning

2007-10-12T21:33:00.001-07:00

got to see Rilo Kiley in concert last Sunday. totally dope. buddy Jer got me listening to them and now i'm hooked. best part was getting VIP seating (standing actually. being that it was an outdoor concert)

anyway that would be the highlight of my month. maybe even of the year. if anything remotely equal or surpassing crosses my path i'll be back. but until then. i leave you with this.

if anyone asks. you heard it here first

2007-08-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

i am old as the hills.

it's official. and i will not be comforted. so don't waste your time.

yesterday marked the day of my birth. two decades ago. you read that correct. a whopping twenty years is now behind me. each of my friends reacted quite differently upon hearing this disturbing news.
my roommate dropped my cake. another promptly scooped it off the kitchen floor and smashed it in my face. several others proceeded to get intoxicated and play various drinking games cross-legged on my bedroom floor. and who can blame them? it won't be long before i'm turning down all night drinking binges in place of staying home watching re-runs of Judging Amy and sipping Earl Gray and sweet n' low. yeech.

in other news i've adopted. his name is Gerard and i love him dearly. do not laugh when i admit that he is a baby squirrel and that i found him discarded on my way home from work. his first home was a Styrofoam to-go box i "borrowed" from work. with no intention of ever returning. he has since up-graded to a cardboard moving box. perhaps a hamster cage is in the near future. but lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think he has my eyes. in truth his eyes aren't opened yet but i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

well thats it for this time. my last beer is empty and so is inspiration for this post. i'm feeling old again.
i want to run to the mirror every five minutes and check on how many new wrinkles i've grown.
but i have enough self-restraint to limit my checking to every ten minutes. you have my permission to be impressed by my awesomeness.

i know i am.

counting sheep

2007-07-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

it's an ugly day
it's orange.
it's blue.
it's gray.
it's your hands and my feet
we fingerpaint with mud from the street
we use locks for everything
the ice cubes tremble
and melt into their fate
some embrace, gracefully
others cry like babies
but they will be brave
why can't we be brave?
i wish i was brave.

back from the dead

2007-06-13T11:23:00.000-07:00

something tragic has happened and i just haven't had the heart to come back to this place ever since. my beloved camera has run away from home. and i am just beginning to deal with the possibility that i may never hold its sleek little body in my hands again. or hear the smooth click of its shutter as it captures the world in a instant. who knew life was so full of pain?

other then the above mentioned tragedy all is well. I safely moved into my new abode. My new roommate is top notch and i'm struggling to find the correct balance between work and play.

still working on that one. amazingly however i did find the time this week to go back home to San Antonio. got to see mom and pop and frolic on the old ranch. happy times indeed. i revisited each of my old rooms (4 in total) among them , among them my very favorite room of all.

(i'd tell you why. but then i'd have to kill you)

then i began to think of my past roommates and housemates (each ridiculously cool in their own way, though far too many to number at this time) were i a soul prone to weeping, i dare i would have right then and there. but weep i did not. because life is essentially about the present. living in the past has never done anybody any good. and there will be good to come. i know it. and now, thanks to me you know it too.

( and now a few for old times sake)

Under the Influance

2007-05-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

life is awesome.

just thought you should know.

in two weeks time i shall be moving again. same city. different view.
no more apartments for me, this time i'm going to be leasing a real house with a yard and everything. I'm excited. I'm terrified.
I've never had a room\bathroom all to myself for any length of time. and downsizing from four roommates to just one will take some getting used to. but I think i'm up for the challenge.

and just maybe. once i'm settled in i'll find the time to get up some pictures, before too much time passes and i become unrecognizable even to those nearest and dearest. where ever they are.

where ever you are.

i DO love you.

wake up, sleepy head.

2007-03-31T05:26:00.000-07:00

i will not sleep tonight. technically it's already morning so i should say, "i did not sleep last night"
this is not a complaint. not a rant, and not a murmur, lest i spend the next 40 years wondering the desert eating bread crumbs from heaven.

this is a statement, made simply to pass the endless time. nothing more.

for various unavoidable reasons i left my place of work nearing the 4 am hour. hey who hasn't put in overtime for a good cause (and a bigger paycheck?) while finally on my way home i am hit with the realization that i am scheduled to work the following day's morning shift. which also happens to be a Saturday. which also means that the city metro bus (these days my main source of transportation) has fewer departure times. now i have a incurable habit of not being able to wake up before at least 6 hours of beauty sleep per rem cycle. i lie not.

so after doing some quick math ( read: addition and subtraction) i came to realize that in order to make it to work by 10:30 am, i would need to catch the 9:00 bus, which means i would need to be out the door no later then 8:30. add on 30 minutes for shower and mirror time and that leaving me less then 4 hours to sleep.

naturally i wasn't about to put my body and soul thru such abrupt and untimely disturbance.
which is why i am now, wide awake and finishing off the last of a pot of coffee. watching the sun rise out of where ever it is that it sets every evening. a sight that mine eyes have rarely seen.
it's a lovely sight. but certainly not worth the trouble of getting up every morning.

i think i'll go make some more coffee. may you all continue sleeping peacefully. gggrrrrrrr

Juicy Titbit

2007-03-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

the other day one of my most esteemed roommates took it upon herself to give me a hairdo with "more edge" ...and the result? well tragically i've mislaid my camera so i am unable to show you the exact masterpiece which now rests atop my head, but it looks something like this. stunning no?

alas, my time is up, i must leave for work. more news and updates will have to wait till later.

until then i remain most faithfully yours,

the absentee Blogger.

Choke

2007-03-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

here, the leaves never fall
here, seasons don't play fair
i wear stripes to hide the spots
i swear they won't wash off
maybe if you help me
i could slip past all the locks
i am everything you are, and you are everything i am not

there is nothing to be said
we do everything together
except talk about the weather
and where babies come from

if you're cold i'll give you my shoes
the tricks we've pulled should land us
a decent segment on the news
can't we ever do anything
no ones ever done before?
drop me out the window
and i'll walk you to the door.

Life on the Third Floor

2007-02-28T11:47:00.000-08:00

I'll tell you I've been playing absentee blogger. and you will ask me my excuse.

i will tell you i don't need a excuse. i own this place. i am the creator. now maybe I've outgrown this space, or it's outgrown me. I'm not sure which i prefer. after near two year of constant companionship we seem to have drifted apart. newly weds no longer. whoever is at fault, i will take the blame and give us a second chance. everyone deserves a second chance.

my current life is fairly decent. as far as lives go. nothing distinctly out of the ordinary. when I'm famished i drink, parched i eat. when i'm board i sleep and when i need exercise i take out the trash. the rest of my time is spent catching up on "E" network specials. and speculating as to who is the real father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby. who needs Soap Operas with all the real life scandal and intrigue taking place? not I.

my next door neighbor, were she a character in a movie would be the nameless character referred to merely as "crazy cat lady". a stereotyped middle-aged to elderly woman, tragically widowed or perhaps bitterly divorced. semi-daily she leaves multi-colored kitty kibble in mounds on her front door step in a attempt to entice the stray felines of the neighborhood.
and as with most beings, animals and humans alike, as the saying goes.
'if there is food. they will come.'

truthfully i don't know if anyone has ever said that. but it makes sense.

speaking of food. i now have a job. i serve food to hungry people of many shapes and races. A very noble tiring task, considering it takes an awful lot to fill some people up. all that aside the point here being that i am no longer a unemployed couch potato. you may congratulate me. starting now. my newly acquired posistion requires me to wear a uniform consisting entirely of IMHO the greatest color of all time (though some will claim that it not a true color but the absence of...to them i say "shut up and go put on something pink") black pants, black shirt, black belt (not as kick ass as it sounds), black apron, black shoes. move over Johnny Cash ( it is here the familiar takes a unfamiliar turn) look down at my feet and you will see that i am wearing (gasp) WHITE socks with black stripes. underwear color is optional. as is underwear itself so long as the boss doesn't find out. or the costumers....actually lets just keep that juicy tidbit between us. i need this job.

M-kay well thats pretty much the week highlights. wouldn't want to overkill this spontaneous rebirth. too much of anything, even a good thing can be fatal. i'll be back.

most likely.

hopefully.

maybe.

you'll just have to wait and see....

Honorable Mention

2007-02-11T16:39:00.000-08:00

something of great significance happened on this very day, 35 years ago. a guy and a girl made a promise to love each other in sickness and health, a promise that lucky for me they chose to keep. thanks to them i never had to split weekends or worry about wicked stepmothers.
and though i am still a little skeptical when it comes to soul mates and true love, i can only hope that it's genetic. and just maybe i have a chance after all.

to my mom and pop. happy anniversary and may there be many more to come.

I'm always write

2007-02-06T11:42:00.000-08:00

my very first weekend in the city began with a bang in the form of el party royal. though the true reason for the established get-together had nothing to do with my glorious arrival, but rather an important event in the sports world involving a ball and men with shoulder pads. but any excuse to party is fine by me. and party we did.
we even got a noise compliant. very exciting, I've always wanted to get one. and with 30 some people milling around in a two bedroom apartment, we had it coming.

i would have had pictures to post but a clever thief appropriated my camera and took the best for herself. so hop on over there for laughs and close-ups and then come back over here and tell me how much you liked them. every one is a winner.

well except for the Bears....

straight from the horses mouth

2007-02-01T15:38:00.000-08:00

it's official. i'm once again packing my assorted belongings in preparation to move. if i had a nickel for every time i've changed zip codes this year i would have 45 cents. put your calculators away...you can do this one of your fingers.

anyway as i said i'm moving. first there is the where. and i'll give you a hint. next is the why, and the answer to that is not so simple. my current roommate is the coolest and I'm going to miss her horribly. but change is healthy and i'm looking forward to kicking up my heals in a new city.

and so life goes on. welcome to a new chapter.

Suckered

2007-01-25T08:42:00.000-08:00

i can't keep secrets from you. the unimaginable has finally happened. and no one is more ashamed if it them myself.
these days, two evenings out of my week are sacrificed to the great god of entertainment, come Tuesday and Wednesday like clockwork, i sit down with a throw blanket and herbal tea in order to watch what has been called the most popular show on television.

now how this phenomena came about was through no fault of mine, and that's the truth.
up until now i've always found a good excuse for missing the show. work. travel. broken tv. etc. and this year was no exception. i was scheduled to be away on a business trip during premiere week. I actually ended up being snowed in my hotel room on opening day but with my strength of character and unequalled will power i turned off the tv and read a book instead . so first audition week came and went and i remained untouched. at least for another year.
but i was very much mistaken.
without consulting me, my beloved roommate , aided by a very modern device known as TiVo, took it upon herself to record the missed episodes for me. so that upon my return i would have no further excuse for not watching the rest of the season with her.

the short of the story is that i did watch. and though i spent half the time crying "make it stop" and shielding my eyes from the sometimes inhuman sights and sounds echoing from inside the metallic box.
in the end i enjoyed myself thoroughly. although some of the auditions were really bizarre, like
do-these-people-take-themselves-seriously-or-are-they-just-straining-every-ounce-of-theatrical -and-dramatic-being-in-their-bodies kind of bizarre. but if their only goal was to be seen on national television and reenacted on the Regis and Kelly show the following morning. then it's mission accomplished.

i pity the fools.

there and back again

2007-01-23T13:57:00.000-08:00

for those who care about such things, yesterday i arrived home safely. naturally i was late to catch my train and so was forced go run and then jump on board the already moving rail car.
at dinner that evening i enjoyed my first home cooked meal in over two weeks, and at night i slept in my own bed with the knowledge that in the morning there would be no maid coming to change the sheets and bring fresh towels. I'll miss that. I'm also going to miss those little striped mints on the pillows. nothing says 'have a good day' like a striped pillow mint.

I've been diligently procrastinating the tedious job of unpacking. seems i 've spent half my life packing and repacking and unpacking. and now it's time to start all over again.
and while i dedicate the rest of my night to folding laundry and trying to find a place for all the junk i acquired on the trip, here are some captured memories.

freshwater

i bruise like a peach. and tiger kisses hurt

Finex the Cougar

up close and personal with Mating Tortoises Inc.

my loot.

everything is coming up roses

2007-01-14T21:40:00.000-08:00

it's snowing tonight. and from my hotel room overlooking the whitewashed streets of St. Paul, it's a awesome view.
I'm shouting the good news to the passer byers below me, the locals seem unimpressed by the beauty, and slightly annoyed by my obvious glee. i want to put on my boots and coat, lie on my back and make snow angels till it's too cold to breathe. this is what i want to do, but i forgot my coat and socks are still in the dryer and i'm not brave enough to go outdoors without them, so i settle for watching from my window, and eating leftover Chinese. there will be other snows.

from where i'm standing it's a breathtaking sight. and you'll just have to trust me since my poor photography skills don't do this night justice.

as long as I'm putting up pictures here i might as well give you a couple snapshots of what all my job entails.

And speaking of the little monsters....

god love them.
the boy child has not yet introduced the word "yes" into his limited vocabulary. so everything is "no" but i am learning, howbeit slowly, how to distinguish the "yes no's" from the "no no's"
i swear kids were put on this earth to drive their nannies crazy.

Introducing The Cats:

this is Gabby. she is a white Bengal tiger cub. and yes, she bites. ask me how i know this.

this is Goliath. and he only bites at bath time or when he's stressed. sounds like a couple people i know.

i told you she bites.

look both ways

2007-01-08T13:24:00.000-08:00

it's been brought to my recent attention that while over time i have posted about many diverse situations and events current relevant or otherwise, i have yet to mention the very personal subject of my job. the reason for this is that up until a week ago i was blissfully and might i say productively unemployed. but now that that era has come to a timely end and i have been thrust into the brutal world of bosses and worst of all deadlines and schedules, i shall take the opportunity to do so now.

when i decided to start working again, i promised my ego only one thing. absolutely nothing involving fast food.
not to demean all those who are employed by such a necessary industry. but god knows i could eat Jack curly fries all day and be the worse for it.

the day after Christmas an amazing job opportunity jumped into my lap and without hesitation i accepted. this job has it all. Travel, wild animals, danger, adventure, underage children and 5 star hotels. presently I and the crew are in St. Paul, Minnesota. wrapping up a sportsman show here before continuing on to Wisconsin. the weather on this side of the country is decidedly colder then Tex-as. duh! it's too late for a white Christmas, but i finally did get a snow day.

i love my job.

for the person who accuses me of too many words and not enough visual aids. eat your heart out.

2007-01-01T20:45:00.000-08:00

last night in place of a countdown, mad cheers and mistletoe kisses, i looked up the statistics for new years resolutions, and they weren't good. something like 60% are broken within the first two weeks. that's more then the divorce rate.
this year I'm going to take my chances, and just make up life as it goes.

old leaves

new hair

...is complicated

in hiding

one in the hand is worth two in a shoe

congratulations, on surviving another year.

Part V: time wounds all heels

2006-12-27T22:00:00.000-08:00

current situations haven't been convenient to posting. but i'll do my best to catch you up to date,
this tale is now nearly a month in the past, so i promise i will leave out some details and events, or in some cases just mutilate them to my liking.
but this is my story. take it or leave it.

day 5: we continued ever Southward. every single highway exit between Mobile and Columbia bragged of one or more of these. no one comes between the southerners and their waffle houses. i learned this the hard way.
we kept our moral thru the long hours by playing "who am i" and other such highly stimulating mind games.
sometime after dark we arrived in St. Mathews. a charmingly small southern town. the type where you know everybody, and everybody knows what you ate for dinner last night.
our hosts greeted us warmly. and after touring the large property, including a deer processing plant (more on that tomorrow) and enough animals to start a farm. we prepared for bed.
me, i'm looking forward at last to a night of sleep that equals more then six total hours.

day 6: tomorrow is thanksgiving. the womenfolk are bustling around the kitchen in the usual feast day way.
the deer processors are suiting up for work and invite me to join them, i can stay, and inevitably become part of the food crew. toiling in the hot kitchen with the other members of the fair sex, exchanging stories of thanksgiving days long gone, or i can throw on a smock and boots and join the other youths in making summer sausage and jerky of once peaceful forest creatures. tough call. I hesitate for a minute or five and as i do so, an aproned female begins walking towards me with a large bowl of potatoes and a peeler...decision time is now over.

I find a pair of boots my size that are only half covered in crud, and head out the back door, running to catch up with my new work buddies. they see me coming and begin to place bets on how long i will last. we enter the cooling room and the smell is as ungodly a smell as anything i have ever smelt.
my co-workers are expecting my reaction, and i can see them exchanging high-fives and winks at my expense. well i'll show them.

and show them i do. in fact i believe the foreman (who is actually a woman) is somewhat envious of my expert deer charming abilities. once while i was cheerfully working away
(true story) she tried to off me with a freshly sharpened butcher knife, and would have followed thru, had a godly co-worker not foiled her plans and let out a warning, living proof that there are still a handful of good people in the world.
thanks to the extra pair of hands we finished work early (pats self on back).
the dear kitchenites are still working hard and i feel just the tiniest bit sorry for them.
i toss together a couple pecan pies and i consider my part towards tomorrows dinner complete. i find a unoccupied lazy-boy and rest my bulk upon it.
gradually the other members of the household begin to drift in from every which way, a merry bunch of youngsters we are too. a game of Pictionary is brought out and that's my cue to leave the room. art and i haven't been on good terms since the first grade. when my dog came out looking like a cow, the other kids laughed. and i signed off art for good.

day 7. finally the day we've been anticipating. feelings of goodwill begin to well up in me.
i try to list a blessing on every finger and quit before i get to nine, not because i ran out of blessings, but because what i now feel welling up inside me is not goodwill, not even close, it is rather the dreaded flu virus known to strike young and old at whim, and it wants me dead. i know it. well i'm not going to give it that pleasure. a blanket over my head shuts out the world.
and i don't know how long i sleep, but when i wake up i'm parched. i shuffle into the dinning room and look wistfully at the array of food and goodies. and all the laughing, non ill people. damn them and their wellness.
i down a glass of sprite and slip back into bed. it's the only place i belong today. before i'm fully asleep the creaking door makes me open my eyes. a haggard looking Ace crawls into bed. mumbling something about not feeling good. i try to be sympathetic but the gnawing bug in my abdomen won't let me. i hope she understands. later i find out that we were not the only two to be stricken, indeed the sofas and hallways were lined with the still forms of the sicklings.

the night was passed with the sounds of groaning, moaning, hurling and some buried their faces and wept bitterly . but all survived the night.

day 8-10. leaving Cheeto and her lover ( i still haven't thunk up a name worthy of him) to their own devices. (your guess is as good as any) myself, Ace and her child were whisked (if possible) even further souththe next two days were spent in the nostalgic bliss of seeing old friends and doing new things with old friends. no details available. however i will impart a very valuable lesson learned so that i may warn others.

never innocently assume that a dark room is empty and safe to undress in, because there is always the off chance that a silent intruder is lurking in a corner waiting for just such a opportunity. some scars never fade.

day 11-12 homeward we are bound. it's my allotted passenger front seat time and before i've even gotten accustomed to my new seat we're pulling over in a charmingly named town to refill on coffee and fuel. while in the passengers seat it is my job to keep the driver alert. it's but a few hours into the trip and i've already exhausted my supply of road games and blond jokes. but this particular fool is more then able to entertain her self.

god be praised.

now it's getting dark and with much foreboding we begin the search for another sleazy hotel to spend yet another short night of sleep in. it's cold and i want chicken soup.
instead we are given a meal of truly grand proportions, stuffing ourselves on lightly toasted bread sticks glazed with olive oil and pepper, before the entree even arrives we are full.
and so we return to the hotel with enough leftovers for tomorrows breakfast lunch and dinner.

12 hours. that's all there is left before we. the weary, carsick and cramped souls will be back in familiar territory.

11 now...

9.

pit stop.

6.

5.

pit stop

2 hours left now. just a hop skip and jump in comparison to where we've come from.

aaaaaand we did it.

a little less paint on our bumper from when we started out, and a lot less cash in our wallets, but with enough stories and inside jokes to keep us warm on many cold lonely nights to come.

now the part you've been waiting for since the beginning but never ever though would come.

wait for it...

wait.

THE END!!!

Happy Christmas, and Merry New Year all.

Merry Christmas, Fool

2006-12-23T16:04:00.000-08:00

How I know
Go bow end send mend bend pretend
Shut your face again
Bleed seed need read breath on my knees
If you leave me now
It's not that I can't take it
It's just that somehow
I think you'd break it
So much beyond repair
Like pulling out my hair
And poisoning the roots
A gun that never shoots again...

So turn and walk away
I've overspoken
Said all that I can say
I know that I can kneel
And I could cry
And I know that I could show you how I died
But what good would it do?
Give the world another fool

If you're gonna stay
Don't just say it
Stay, really stay
I don't want any more goodbyes
Any more disguise
No more tossing coins
Or him between your loins
And if you're gonna stay
I'll place you high upon a hill
And with my hands
I'll build a tower in your name
And you will do the same

Turn and walk away
I've overspoken
Now what more can I say?
I know that I can kneel
And I can cry
I know, I know
That I can show you how I died
Now what good would it do
Give the world another fool
Just sitting on this stool
I'm close to giving up on you

-damien rice

swapping dignity for electronics

2006-12-21T11:10:00.000-08:00

this little bit of holiday cheer showed up in my inbox this morning, and though i am not one to subscribe to such obvious scams and shams, it would be selfish of me to keep such knowledge to myself, while others may be benifiting. so you're welcome, and enjoy your christmas.

Thursday, 21st December 2006

Subj: Anita, Fancy a brilliant top of the range DVD player?

Well all you have to do is catch your boss dancing to Abba with his knob out (his knob??? seriously?) or dancing with Abba would be even better. send us the clip of the shameful episode, and you'll be in with a chance of winning one. (you'd also be in with a chance of getting fired, but hey, you'd have that DVD player. small price to pay)

What could be easier? (uh...free falling from a burning building comes to mind)

"But Vince, I'm scared of genitalia? (i pity the fool)

Or

"my boss is a lady?" ( i'm guessing dancing with nipples out is less scandalous somehow)

No problem. You can STILL win a DVD player (whew) …You see, we're after footage of ANY disgraceful office behaviour no matter what it is…Bad dancing, illicit messy snogging , dance floor scuffles, someone trying to have sex with the photocopier (and here i thought i was the only one)… whatever you've caught on your camera, just send it in.
We'll post all the entries for the world to see in a special section on BoreMe.com
And we've got some great prizes for the best ones.
I'll be back on Friday with the last issue of Bore Me Now before Christmas.

Till then,
Vince Hillier

PS If you've got footage of the post room boy murdering the salesman for the North West region at the Christmas party, don't waste it on blackmail or police enquiries – send it in to us and you could win a brilliant DVD player instead.

so what do you say, are you game?

The History of a Name.

2006-12-13T19:06:00.000-08:00

you know how some names have built-in personalities that come along with them?
I'm not actually going to go in to detail as to what names conjure up what images. because who's to say who might read this and sue me for slander.

however this isn't about other people and other names. this is about me and my name.

when i was growing up in a very Latin country, my very Latin sounding name fit right in with Jose and Pedro and Lupe and Alma. Until the day we moved to the Americas and my world turned upside down.

suddenly my name was being pronounced A-need-a instead of the correct pronunciation A-ne-ta. and when said by Southerners or Texans my name sounds similar to the sound a cat makes when trying to cough up a fir-ball. my first natural reaction was to blame my parents, after all they named me. and should have foreseen this eventually tragedy. but of course they are not to blame. Still it saddens me to know, i'll never have a namesake. because who in heck would want to pass on a name like this (i mean no offence to anyone who has actually named their child this, i'm just taking about personal preference here)

complete strangers upon hearing my name would 9 times out of 10 respond: " A-nee-ta?
har har like I-need-a-banana, har har. get it?"

oh i got it alright. i got it the first time, and the second time and the three hundredth time, and just when i thought it would never end a wonderful little film came out titled '101 Dalmatians'. maybe you've seen this movie and thought it quite harmless (besides the whole dogs being made into a coat part)...well that's because your name isn't my name (unless you just happen to be the one out of 1 million who does have the same name as me...in which case i crave forgiveness and just continue on with my post). so for the next several years i was affectionately dubbed 'Anita Darling' which is sweet and all, but then it eventually become one horribly deformed word (anitadahlin') and no one ever calls you anything else. well thats when it's a problem.

of course my personal family didn't call me that. oh no, nothing taken from a kids movie would do me justice. to my mother i was Neats. she would say, " if you don't clean up after your self we're going to have to change your name from A-neat-a to A-mess-a" and oh boy that would put the fear of god into me. i mean can you imagine?

"hi, i'm Amessa. do you want to play with me?."

how many friends do you think this child would have? honestly?

so when i turned 13 i changed my name. my second name 'Kathleen' was common enough, and could be shortened into all kinds of cool names. I picked Kat, because i believe in three letter names that are words people are already familiar with. from that day on began to introduce myself by my new name. and asked that my parents and siblings do the same. they laughed and called my other names instead. but i was unfazed. until one day a new friend nicknamed me "pussy kat" and the shortened that...

begrudgingly i returned to my former identity. supposing that it is better to have a foreign name then one that people are a little too familiar with.

and that is the tale of my name. and now it doesn't bother me quite so much as it did.
the Mexicans i meet still say it right. and the Americans still mispronounce it...but i don't even hear them anymore. like water off a ducks back.

although i have been thinking about it, and i think i should change my name to sex.

it'd be like "man, don't you just love sex" and everyone would nod their heads in agreement.
or "isn't sex like totally the best thing since before and after sliced bread"? and the heads would nod again.

and i would laugh and say with all humility. "aw...no you guys are the best" and i would mean it too.

are you thinking of me yet?

Part four and 1/2 - the part where a bad thing happens to generally good people

2006-12-11T22:22:00.000-08:00

in my last entry we paused with me falling asleep in the back seat of a duck-taped Honda surrounded my pal's and luggage ( to summarize) and that's pretty much the way it continued for the next couple hundred miles (give or take a100 miles). about this time the baby begins to fuss usually meaning one of 3 things (1) he's hungry. (2) his nappy is soiled (3) he's just being a cry baby. the orange arrow on the dash is inching closer and closer to the ominous E. in my subconscious i hear talk of pulling over at the next exit. and so we do.

the car is gassed and the arrow restored to the comforting F position. the baby is re-diapered and nourished. and while everyone is otherwise occupied, Cheeto the sly, sees her opportunity and seizes it, looking both ways before she dashes into the convenience store.
of course while she's gone everyone else returns to the car, and are now waiting on her. when at last she returns, with a bag of Fire Cheetos (thus the nickname) just barely visible in her purse and a greedy look on her normally sweet face. the other passengers utter a collective sigh. we're going to have trouble with this one.

my eyes remain closed through these events. but i gather all that is going around me by using my well trained and highly sensitive ears. i like to think of it as my sixth sense, only i don't hear dead people. I do however hear my buddies talking about our progress and i tune them out. progress is when we get there. as for now...we're still in Texas wasteland.
the engine hums and we start to gain speed as we coast on to the highway.

and that's when it happened.

CRASH! SMASH! Oshkosh bgosh. whack smack. bang boom bam.

by now i'm sort of awake. enough to see what was the cause of the disturbance. apparently the hood of the car grew weary of staying closed and imagined itself a convertible top. it disengaged itself from it's hinges (or whatever keeps the darn thing in place) and smacked the windshield full force. shattering a large portion of it, and leaving the rest severely shaken. it is here that dear Frito earns the heroic title of KISA or (Knight in Shinning Armor) and is a lowly corn chip no longer. with the hood still stuck to what is left of the windshield, and the vehicle rapidly gaining speed KISA cranes his head out the window and begins changes lanes heading toward the shoulder. we halt, and get out to survey the damages. it's not good. KISA cuts himself on the glass. twice. and then closes the door on his leg while reentering into the car. by this time i'm thinking that he is the Jonah that is responsible for our current bad luck.

you know that kind of eerie silence that comes after something bad has happened and nobody wants to say the wrong thing, so no one says anything? well we didn't have that luxury.
we couldn't stay on the narrow shoulder forever. and with the windshield looking like it could fall off without warning. we had some hasty decisions to make. for a awful second it seemed like we would turn back. defeated. our vacation over before it really began. but god took pity on us, and to sum up a really long six hours. we found a place down the road that had a sign which read "SPECIAL HOILDAY DEAL: we repair *most windshields only $135!!!"
of course our darling Honda ending up not fitting into the "most" category, and so they felt free to raise the price on us. but we didn't have a choice at this point, we leave the car and keys with the strangers. and camp out at the nearest fast food joint. we order drinks and try not to look suspicious. we sit. and wait. KISA and Cheeto are talking in hushed tones, I'm stuck on a crossword and pretending that i'm not listening to their conversation. Ace and Mustard are bonding over a breast. and so we pass the hours.

the car is done. we reseat ourselves and continue. we pass thru Houston and finally cross the boarder into Louisiana. which actually doesn't look all that different from the state we just left.
we are now six hours behind on our very strict travel schedule. so much for waking up early.

we keep our spirits high by talking about how much worse things could be:

"remember that road trip where the engine fell out of the car traveling 70 mph?"

"ha, oh yeah...that was funny. and then we ran over it and popped all 4 tires?
good times. good times"

"or what about the time our windshield got stolen in Russia in the middle of winter and we lost all of our fingers and toes to frostbite?"

"uh...no we weren't there for that one. sorry. but it sounded like a lot fun"

and so on we drove.

sometime before midnight we deiced to call it a day and find somewhere to catch a few hours of sleep. with the cost of the new shield, all those cheetos, our cash flow was a little restricted.
we approched every Hotel in town, and finally about three steps down from a motel 8 we realized it wasn't going to get any cheaper without fleas and tics and sheet stains. so we forked over the dough. climbed the two flights leading to our room. and just as i turn off the lamp i hear KISA nonchalantly ask:

"can we all push to be on the road by six 0'clock tomorrow."

devise something clever and double edged to smite him with. the only thing i want to push is him. it's time to change his name again, the Knight has lost his Shine. but not tonight, oh no...i'll wait until i'm quite rested and my wit is at it peck. and then i'll show him.

i fall into sleep with a smile on my face. and my work cut out for me tomorrow.

(disclaimer: Southpaw is the really the deviant one and i heap all blame for unloving actions or words on her. I myself love Frito and wouldn't harm a a single hair on his head..well if he had hair)

till later then.

the part after three: good friends let their friends drink coffee

2006-12-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

Day IV

4:59 am i cannot believe i was conned into waking up before the sun. my fellow passengers.
(the very ones who's idea this predawn torture was in the first place) are still dozing peacefully.
I feel cheated. i shut my eyes and the exact moment i do so i have the most wonderful dream. in this dream it's snowing. not clean, fluffy, i'm-dreaming-of-a-white-Christmas snow. but the kind of angry blizzard snow that rarely to never happens in central Texas, the sort of snow that leaves all roads to everywhere completely impassible by foot or wheel. perhaps it's a selfish dream for me to dream, inconveniencing the world all for a few extra hours of sleep. but oh it was a beautiful dream.

5:03 am a rude alarm goes off somewhere near my left ear. and not the common beeping. buzzing. clanging. whirling alarms which are bad enough on their own. this one combines the sounds of dying farm animals and a head on train wreck. not a great way to start a day. although it did do the trick as far as waking the sleepers.

the next 15 minutes or so finds us all wandering uselessly. up stairs and down. all questions asked are answered with blank looks and/or unintelligible babbles. bags are dropped, and forgotten last minute items are slowly retrieved and packed. I don't know how much more of this i can take. there is an empty couch a few feet away and without second thought i start towards it. just a few more minutes of sleep. that's all i need...
just then we get the okay to load up. our first step outside is a chilly one. it may not be snowing, but there is no doubt that winter is coming.

we unpack and then repack the trunk. once, twice...I'm afraid the hinges are going to bust. the luggage that doesn't fit is stuffed on the dashboard and behind the passengers seat (now guess where i will end up sitting) a pair of boys with time their hands duck-tape the car's hood and bumper. claiming that we'll never make our finally destination, much less ever return. with over 2,300 miles of ground to cover on this trip and no extra money for repairs. i hope they are wrong.

Frito takes his place as driver, with Cheeto loyally at his side.
Which leaves Ace and myself to divide up the backseat. The baby tosses us a smug look. while he lounges in his spacious infant carrier watching us struggle to get comfortable. the turd.
we inch out of the driveway. a herd of deer (why isn't it deers?) pause their grazing to see us off. you just know their wishing they could come too. who wouldn't want to get some serious mileage with a carload of hipsters like us?

we pass city limits. and i can't keep my eyes open any more. I know i should try to stay awake and soak in every moment of this trip. but in truth, there is hardly a inch of Texas highway that i have not driven over at some point in my very well-traveled life. so after weighing the pros and con's of sleep vs. sightseeing. i make my decision.

you can stick around and guess what this choice was. i'm going to bed...well seat. but here are some questions for you to ponder until my return.

1. will they make it there alive?

2. how many times total will they have to pull over to change/feed the child?

3. will Ace and Southpaw ever sing together again?

now go away so i can sleep.

part three - - all up in your grizzle

2006-12-07T08:18:00.000-08:00

day 3: ten seconds before the alarm goes off i remember that today is a important day.
it is the official beginning of our extended holiday vacation. and more importantly it is a birthday.

Happy Birthday Fool

after the customary well wishes and over used 'growing old' gags, we complete our packing.
then load the vehicle like a jar of pickles (and no i don't mean sardines). we fasten the sleeping babe securely in his seat and then take our own seats with myself as co-pilot, and my birthday buddy at the wheel. the word is out, Ace and Southpaw are a forced to be reckoned with on any open road.

I'll say, and I'm sure you'll agree that music is a vital part to any long trip, and since our mode of transportation was robbed of it's vocal box many months ago (a tragic story that i shall not relate at this time) we are forced to become our very own radio station.

2:30 pm Ace bursts into hardy song

"I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see
Wanna see them dancing
Walkin' around on those
(What do you call them?) oh - feet
Flipping your fins you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a
(What's that word again?) street

Up where they walk
Up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wandering free
Wish I could be
Part of that world"

2:38 pm not one to be outdone by her Disney affluent friend. Southpaw lapses into a violently jumbled rendition of the classic "I just can't wait to be king"

2:40 pm the duo teams up:

Ace: "You are deformed"

SP: "I am deformed"

Ace: "and you are ugly'

SP: i knew it. I knew you thought me ugly all along.

Ace: it's part of the song. fool.

if i was talking about you i would have said

" and you are ugly, fool."

i wouldn't have tried to sneak it in into a kids song. for shame.

SP: (scoffs) i knew that. fool. ( the song continues, but the innocence from only a moment before is gone forever )

"And i am ugly"

Ace: "And these are crimes
For which the world
Shows little pity
You do not comprehend"

SP: "You are my one defender"

Ace: "Out there they'll revile you as a monster"

SP:I AM a monster (burst in to monster-like sobs) I...Am...a monster.

Ace: okay we're not going to do this song if you're going to take it so literally. got that?
and stop crying before you wake the baby.

SP: ( rolls down the window and hums the opening bars of "Hate me")

the drive continues in relitive silence.

3:00 pm the sleeping baby wakes and demands food. we realize that in all the excitement we forgot lunch. and in that moment, like a ministering angel, a subway landed itself directly in our path. and so Subway it is. because you can't beat 6 grams of fat. while the baby suckles i place our order. the sullen lad on the receiving end look like he needs a hug. but a marble counter-top separates us and so i opt for a reassuring smile, the kind that says "hang in there, life is worth living". our sandwich is finally ready. i pull out my card to pay, and he shakes his head.

"it's on the house ma'am." he mutters.

proving that 1: there is such a thing as a free lunch. and 2. a little love goes a long way

we eat. thank the sullen lad and continue on our merry way. we arrive at the Fiesta just in time to hear S.O.E wrapping up a jamming session. our luck just will not end.

we eventually meet up with the other half of our traveling team. a delightful pair whom i shall call 'Cheeto' and 'Frito' for reasons that will later become apparent. we are then told that in order to get to our destination the next day we need to depart by 6 am. that means awake by 5 am. which might seem an average wake-up time for most of you, but on my part i never stir before the right side of 9:00 if at all possible. but it is not my call and so 5:00 it is.

until then mortals.

(tbc...)

part two - - Austin-tatious

2006-12-05T15:22:00.000-08:00

The Second Day: I wake up ( i told you i would)
Outdoors smells like wet grass and dry leaves.
i walk to the neighborhood gas depot, coffee is half price today. lucky me, god knew one cup wouldn't suffice. i purchase two cups and by the time they are gone i'm just about ready to start my day.

it's 5 minutes till afternoon and everyone is still sleeping.
i pace, try to read with the curtains closed, but something my mother used to say about ruining my eyes is haunting me. i give up reading. pacing is wearing down the rug. i contemplate more coffee but before i can carry out my mission the house begins to stir and in reccord time a plan is made. we are going out for a day on the town.
first things first however, the Mustard is fed. burped. changed. rocked. dressed smartly in little man duds. changed again. burped some more. lost socks found. crooked hat fix, diper bag restocked and then, quickly, before another baby related incident can occure, we head out.

we gravitate towards a nook that goes by the name of Austin Java. which is exactly what the name implies. a quant coffee/cyber cafe located somewhere in Austin. and just about the hippest joint one could hope to spend an afternoon with friends.
and so long we linger, refills a-pleanty, we talk about girls, and boys and bands and cast occational sideways glances at the charming bus boy. until sadly, the unwitting eye candy goes on break and so breaks our hearts . but life goes on. eventually we tire of caffiene and staring at strangers (my mother warned me about that too, but it's all a little muddled), and go in search of something a bit more substantial. there is nothing like food to mend torn hearts. and good food it is too.

it's freezing outside as we start towards home. i'm dreaming of fire places. and herbal tea. and hot water pads and saunas and the Gobi.

we survive the ride home inspite of the crazy drivers that surround us. tomorrow the real adventure begins. it's been a grand day of frolic and fun.

some days should never end.

(to be continued...again)

part one -- the road less paddled

2006-11-27T21:30:00.000-08:00

El Dia Uno: i couldn't sleep last night. traveling always gets me anxious. there are so many things that can go wrong and usually do. and my natural pessimism comes out in full force when a trip is in the works.
i get up before the sun does, and rush to finish last minute packing. i finish and then all that is left is the wait.

i hate waiting.

finally the clock says it's time, and i don't need a second invitation. i make it to the station in record time and life is good. in less then six hours I'll be in the cozy home of friends, with the stench and grime of public transportation but a distant memory. but fate has other plans.
my bus is late, and the dilapidated gas station recently renovated into a dilapidated bus station is most probably the creepiest place a solitary white female could pass the time. but in a radical new phase of blessing counting, i thank god that it is the bus that is tardy and not i. and it is there that my positive spurt comes to an end, less it be used to death.

it's two and a half hours later and the bus is here. my bus driver has a nice look to him, and i forget to be angry at him for making me wait. i find a seat and exchange pleasntries with my seatmate. small talk lasts thru weather and politics, and ends just before religion. i don't mind.
now i'm left with the ever soothing Damien Rice and crosswords to sustain me through the long hours ahead. before too long i get a call from my friend telling me that due to my late arrival she won't be able to pick me up from the station, not to worry. taxi's are reliable and "not more then a couple bucks" and there will be a key waiting for me to "make myself at home."

I hang up and sigh. this isn't the perfect start of a perfect thanksgiving vacation. but my options are limited and so finally i arrive in my destination and commandeer a white taxi waiting at the curb. it figures i'd get a white taxi. my driver speaks less English then anyone living in an English speaking country should rightfully speak. this time i don't sigh. I'll need every breath I've got to make it through the rest of the night.

I give the driver the address and he sets off, after assuring me that "i knows where to take you, miss". at least he is polite if not grammatical. i trust him, i really don't have any other choice.
I'm keeping one eye on the meter and the other on the road. "a couple bucks" has passed and we've only gone a mile.
i check my wallet and quickly add up a ten and a one as my only monies. the way the meter is ticking I'm doubting very much that I'll reach my destination with out going over my spending limit.

once again tonight i am right. but it does nothing for my ego. we pass a landmark just at the meter reaches $11.05. i make a hasty decision . i tell the driver to pull over and tearfully part with all the cash in my wallet, and while he grumbles about the still owed 5 cents, i say a clumsy prayer and set off with my over-stuffed bags in tow.

i survive the half mile walk and find the hidden key. it's as lucky as I've gotten all evening.
other then being broke and quite frozen, life is quite good. after regaining feeling in my fingers and toes i find a book that looks interesting and a blanket that is warm.
i curl up and wait for my host to get home.

it's 11:30. i finish the book and make herbal tea. still waiting.

it's 12:00 and i haven't slept in near 30 hours. I'm going to sleep and i don't care if i never wake up again.

(...to be continued)

(hint: i do wake up again)

The return of the itch

2006-11-16T09:20:00.000-08:00

you know i really did think that traveling all summer would have cured me of the itch, but apparently it's incurable. so tomorrow i leave home again. i strongly believe a cross-country road-trip with a carload of swells is just what i need to put me in the mood for celebrating the survival of Jamestown. Since i don't plan on being available to a computer while on said road-trip
I will go ahead and wish you all a early enjoyable Thanksgiving, but better early then not at all.

and now while i go pack and try not to forget anything, I'm going to dutifully reflect on all i have to be thankful for. I plan on being on completely good terms with my Maker before setting out on this adventure. A break-down in the middle of pretty much any South Eastern state is not really the way i want to spend my holidays. so feel free to toss up a pray or two for a safe and completed journey. I'll owe you later.

The perfect midnight snack

2006-11-15T13:23:00.000-08:00

there is nothing that compares with the joy of finding a can of carefully preserved fish ass in the pantry.

beat that

2006-11-11T18:45:00.000-08:00

Its nine o'clock on a saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
Theres an old man sitting next to me
Makin love to his tonic and gin

He says, son, can you play me a memory?
Im not really sure how it goes
But its sad and its sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger mans clothes

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, were all in the mood for a melody
And youve got us feelin alright

The waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, theyre sharing a drink they call loneliness
But its better than drinkin alone

Its a pretty good crowd for a saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
cause he knows that its me theyve been comin to see
To forget about life for a while

And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, man, what are you doin here?

Picture this

2006-11-09T18:47:00.000-08:00

I'm home.

I know this because I now have an internet connection that moves faster then a speeding caterpillar.

I also have a bed that by all legal standards counts as a bed. Not a couch, a cot, air mattress, chair, floor or any other contraption masquerading as such.
I'm not complaining. I'm counting my very many blessings. I guarantee myself sweet sleep tonight.

of course none of these temporal pleasures can replace the company of those people whom I have sojourned with these last several weeks. Indeed they are missed already. You know who you are.

and now at last i'm keeping a promise.

the set of sun

chugging monkeys

the mustard man

a couple of soulful souls

Don't cry little piglet

2006-11-08T12:04:00.000-08:00

today is the day you were born. And that coincidently makes today your birthday.
can you believe it's been thirteen years since the first time we met? Me skinny and shy, and you a head taller and more confident then I.
my fondest memory of you is the time you rode your bike over the driveway cliff and into the ivy. You screamed and I laughed. If you had only seen your face once your mom fished you out you would have laughed too. Or the time you fell off the swing at the park, and tried to pretend that it was on purpose. We all laughed that time. But I had my share of incidents as well. There was the infamous bout of pink eye that only I contracted, and the rest of you refused to let me touch the crayons lest you too catch the dreaded disease.

kids can be cruel.

and then slowly we grew up. You taller then ever, and I grew...Well... The other direction. Remember when I chopped off your hair. And you tried to remove my widows peak? I still touch the victimized spot from time to time in remembrance. But I figure we're even now. I envied the way you drew, and how you downplayed it. What ever happened to that story we wrote? We could have been famous. We could have been stars.

now it's your birthday and I can't be there to tell you how much you've meant to me all these years. But as impersonal as a web log mention is, I hope it will suffice just this once. now stop working and go do something crazy.

i went looking for you. and found myself.

2006-11-04T12:33:00.000-08:00

word on the streets is I will soon be on my way back home. Because my heart is in too many places to count, home is where my stuff is. What began as a innocent weekend trip to visit an old pal, morphed into a near two month journey that included among other things, three long bus rides. The touring of four large cities. Three sleepless hospital nights. The birth of one perfect child. A less then perfect proposal. 84,000 cups of coffee, a chickenpox scare and an endless sea of friendly faces, both new and old. and now that it's all over...i wish it hadn't ended so soon. although selfishly i will admit to missing having my own room and more then three changes of clothes.

I'm now in the process of writing my second book titled "how to survive in Texas on a dollar a day" (it is proceeded by my first book "how to survive in Texas. Period." which will thankfully never be a bookstore near you)

I'm tempted to release a slew of inside jokes and catch phrases to take up endless space and make a select few chuckle (maybe) but in the interest of the greater good I'll resist.
the pressure to be clever is just to0 great. with this faulty internet connection it's agony to upload. so pictures of my travels will have to wait. and so will you.

till then.

a tragic day

2006-10-30T20:25:00.000-08:00

everything is a blur. colors. sounds. events. places. faces. repeated conversations. prolonged bouts of silence. deliberate mistakes. wrong decisions. right decisions.
all in a desperate attempt to prove to ourselves that if we went missing, someone would come looking.
and every once in a while, time stops, or at least pauses to let us catch our breath. Sometimes it only lasts for a second and then we are breathless again. but sometimes, if we're really lucky. we can almost hear the sound of our own hearts struggling to beat.
and it lets us know that we are still alive. and the cycle repeats itself.
we can see even with our eyes closed, we can see just how much we are a part of everything. like the times we sit next to the phone and try to coax a ring out of it. even a wrong number is more welcome then silence.
we keep secrets because secrets are power. And without power we are vulnerable. and when we run out of secrets we make more.
we smile when the camera flashes and hope when others see our smiles they will envy us.
and then we close the shutter and cry. but it's okay because no one can see.
we keep cages of hamsters and rabbits because they makes us feel needed. and we need to feel needed. children give us the same feeling, but animals don't talk back.
we understand that every hello is just a prelude to good-bye.
and we wish we'd said 'i love you' when we had the chance.

some days everything is a blur. and that just serves to make the clear days all the more beautiful.

Stating the obvious

2006-10-11T18:40:00.000-07:00

since there hasn't been anything new on this site in a significant amount of time. You can safely assume

(a) I'm lazy.
(b) I'm too busy
(c) I've forgot I ever had a site to post on in the first place
(d) there is nothing happening in my life worth posting about
(e) there is too much happening in my life, that I have no idea how to complile it into five or six paragraphed that convey to the reader all that's been going on with/around me, and yet still keep the readers perhaps very short and A.D.D prone interest.

and the final answer is

(f) all of the above.

but i have good news which I'll tell you all about, the next time I connect to the internet. God only knows when that will be, but you have my word that it will be. One day. Maybe when you least expect it. I shall return. And then you will understand and forgive me for any unsympathetic and unchristian thoughts you may have thought in my absence.

thank you. And I forgive you in advance.

---anita

Did you know mp3 backwards is 3 p.m?

2006-09-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

Well I moved again. That makes 7 times in 8 months. Not a bad score...Were I a harlem globe trotter.

I suppose that roving missionary itch is still in my blood.

My week has been filled with the tediousness of resume writing, answering job ads, filling aplications, and of course the greater trial of getting used to having my own computer and television set. My room still has the decor of it's previous owner. (a girl child of six) bright brilliant PINK. Pink sheets, pink curtains (and these with Snow White and Cinderella running up and down it) but it's a room, and I'm not complaining. I would go so far as to admit that it's nice to have the company. Even if they are nothing more then imaginary Disney characters.

racecar backwards is racecar.

I ordered delivery pizza for the first time today. The delivery boy was cute. I think I'll order in more often.

I sold my guitar on a whim. Money is everything these days. What have I become?

Something to ponder.

I see heaven when I see thee

2006-09-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

I'm looking at the clock, ten minutes and it's officially 'your day'. I'm twitching to give you a hardy dose of classically-cheesy-yet-acceptable-because-it's-your-birthday-hallmark-card advice.
but I won't, at least not this year. I think in this case I'd be more embarrassed then you.
tender maximums aren't really my thing, and even less nearing midnight.

in closing: may you have a year with more smiles the tears and rainbows then...

oh my god, that was a close call.
those classically-cheesy-yet-acceptable-because-it's-your-birthday-hallmark-card advice lines are really sneaky, and by that I mean they just sneak up on you and before you even realize that your saying them, your saying them. Even after your promised yourself and the world that your wouldn't. Bad doggie. Bad. grrrrrrarrearfarfarf arf arf ARF ARF ARF!!!

MEOW!!!

wow that really got out of control up there. Just try to pretend you didn't see/hear anything.
hard as that might be. Now if I may, back to the real purpose of this.

I love you sweetie, have a flippin' awesome birthday.

Being remembered

2006-09-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

9/11 was a important day in my family long before any towers fell. Five years ago today we woke up to celebrate my kid brothers 9th birthday and instead were met with the now infamous TV images of smoke and devastation. And while a nation mourned it's loss, we cut cake and sung 'happy birthday', that we we're celebrating birth while thousands were dying struck me as ironic at the time. But it was his day to be remembered years before it was theirs. He still gets quizzical looks and exclamations when strangers learn his day of birth. As if he had anything to do with it. But he doesn't seem to mind sharing his day.

Happy birthday kiddo!!

You are remembered.

today. i will make you go away

2006-09-02T13:53:00.000-07:00

Thought process

2006-08-19T15:33:00.000-07:00

Everybody loves babies. Everybody is having babies. Everybody has a blog. Everybody has pictures of their babies on their blogs. Or in some cases someone else's baby on their blog. this blog is boring. ergo I shall have a baby and never have nothing to say ever again.

until such a impregnation takes place I shall have to be content with having someone else's baby taking up space on this site. Besides I think he's cute (no relation) fine set of teeth this one has too. I wonder if he breastfeeds? See what I mean? With babies you can talk about anything. Now I really must go, there is no time to waste.

can you keep a secret?

2006-08-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

And Justice for all.

2006-08-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.

That will be the day.

It's none of your business

2006-07-31T10:25:00.000-07:00

as the heat wave gradually comes to an end (insert praise and thanksgiving) so does my time in the grand Hollywood land. First thing tomorrow I and my packed bags (in addition to the two under my eyes) shall take their rightful place abord flight #1176 bound southeast. Back to family and friends that have been sorely missed and I shall delight in seeing them again, not to forget however the many friends here who made my visit enjoyable, you shall be missed. As well as my hosts for putting up with me these past months ( thanks bro's, you're the best)
and so opens a new chapter of this life. Excited? Maybe a little. But mostly scared out of my wits. There is a little vulnerability for all of you who thrive off such things.

here is to being young and having the world at ones feet. At this moment in time I can honestly say I'd rather have age and wisdom on my side then a bit more spring in my step.
Ah well, my time will come and then no doubt, in true human nature I'll regret how fast time passed. No doubt.

I'm coming out of my cage and I'm doing just fine

2006-07-24T16:08:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said for those delightful individuals who haven't the slightest problem opening up about themselves at a moments notice, their fears and anything else that might be plaguing them at the time are on display for anyone in earshot. There are those random strangers that get a seat beside you and within ten minutes have told you the body types and medical histories of everyone of their known relations dating back to the 18th century. They don't even need a couch and hourly rate to feel comfortable talking about themselves.
It's not just about talking. I mean, I talk a fair bit. Okay, I talk a lot.
But there is a difference between taking about the weather or what movie you watched last week (and how steamy Johnny Depp was) compared to those who feel perfectly comfortable crying on the shoulder of their local bag lady. Where does this courage come from. I want to know.

ofcourse I have people I confide in. And a few (very few) that know me well enough to pull it out of me (I salute you). If I had a therapist I would dump all this on him, but alas. Why do some people have no problem with being honest about themselves, while others would rather be run thru with a hundred dull knives, then ever let on how they truly feel?
It's a puzzlement.

I like to say I'm an open book, but you have to know how to read. And illiteracy these days is off the charts. is it possible that people who have been around as long as your first set of teeth, can still not have the slightest clue as to who you really are as a person. You, me, whoever...It's the principle. the concept of it is so grossly cliche that it sickens me to even consider, but it does have a measure of truth.

right now, from where I'm sitting/pacing the room. I'm thinking about how much I miss being around people that you know care about you, without knowing why. The kind that forgive you when you hurt them when all they've done is be there for you. The kind that don't look to betray you the first chance they get. Next stop Jerry Springer.

on the subject of something with even more drama, I watched the conclusion of Miss Universe last night (to further boost my self esteem) I must say. Woman are hot. My Personal Favorite (and consequently my nation of birth) was second runner up, which is not a bad place to be. I say, that's a good enough reason to celebrate. Now if you'll excuse me...I have business to attend to.

Knock on wood and throw the termites into confusion

2006-07-20T13:28:00.000-07:00

you're a copy cat act and a lame one at that

you're only real when you sleep and even in your dreams

you try your best to put on the face you think we want to see

these books hold secrets with no page left naked

but the words are empty, now there's nineteen on the shelf and this one makes twenty

use your own clever lines and find a word that doesn't rhyme with anything

laugh without a cue and be satisfied as nobody but you

tell the world to find themselves another shining star while you try to find out who the hell you are

you're so much clearer in the dark

and once out of this place you don't have far to go

find a life for sale and a name that no one knows

tell them you're thru with dimes and flowers

and fans that only start to cheer when you start to fall

this is your final act, and now you're your own copycat act

At Play in the City of Angels

2006-07-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

As predicted, it was indeed a "kick-ass weekend". Even the weather seemed to sense that this was a special occasion and conceded to drop several degrees just for us.

rest

your

eyes

HERE

so as I was saying before that beautiful man got in the way and interrupted my thought pattern. the trip was fun and without much help from me. so with this I give tribute to 'the women' to who I owe my current sanity.

Connie: there is oh so much to say about you. But I don't want the other girls getting jealous. Thank you for driving us around all day on your vacation, putting up with my back-seat driving and horrible directions, but in my defense I DID get us there (with a little help). You're a hoot.
(p.s and you WERE going 80 )

Chucky: darling, this might come as somewhat of a shock to you but eggs and pancakes at 2:30 p.m is no longer breakfast. It might taste like breakfast, look like breakfast and in it's heart of hearts (if eggs and pancakes have such a organ) even wish to be breakfast but it is in fact lunch. As traumatic as it can be to skip a meal, it's even more traumatic to live in denial of that fact. So now that we cleared that up I just want you to know, lunch was great, we should do it again sometime.

Lady Marie: I'm still angry at you for straightening your hair and taking up half the morning, I love your curls and obviously the Almighty agrees with me. But it's too late now.
I'm beyond glad that I got to spend one last day with you.
it goes without saying that you will be missed. I love you.

NIki Chan: I still marvel over the fact that I once disliked you. I suppose my six-year old self wasn't a very good judge of character.
you are an delightful person and if anyone ever says other wise you send them to me.

Dulcy: I'm sorry you don't get your own picture hon. And Julz is going to kill me for putting this one up but there was no other way. i wish I could have spent the entire day to with you but star-crossed friends we are and shall remain until the stars realign and you take me once more to your bosom. Kisses.

Julz: god forbid you ever look "normal" in a picture. I swear I can still remember you making that face 12+ years ago when first we met.
I was young and impressionable then. Now I'm just impressionable.
I can't believe I let you miss most the party while I selfishly rambled on, I hope that trampoline can keep secrets or else I'm screwed. Your a pal, always have been. Hats off to you.

Jaydee: I don't know how you made it in here with all these females but since it was your birthday and I failed to bring a card please accept this belated mention instead.

and last but in no way least I finally made it out to see the dashing pirate. Now I can die in peace.

The Pirates life for me

2006-07-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

It's going to be a kick-ass weekend. My clever plan involves mooching rides off various buddies as I hip-hop my way thru the greater Los Angeles area, there by saving my self bus fare and scoring some great company on the way.

for once media brainwashing has gotten to me and I simply cannot wait to go watch Johnny Depp sail the ocean blue. He's such a delicious morsel that man is. I could go on but I haven't much time. Must pack my things and be off.

"Where are you", "where are you going", and "why"...Always "why"

2006-07-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

the only question missing is "who are you"?, which is truthfully what has really got me stumped. Who am I? I've spend hours on the subject and could spend hours more but that's not the point of today's essay.

no. This is about something else altogether.

it seems everyone I speak/chat/mumble with these days has the exact same list of questions to ask of me. It's frightening.
So I thought for clarity sake I would post the answers here so that in the very likely case of being asked again I might direct the asker here.

1. I am residing in the sunny state of California, currently 83 F and rising. My average day consists of roaming the apartment in search of something to take apart and put back together thereby proving that I am in fact (a) not destructive, (b) inquisitive and (c)...There is no C.
other activities include starring off the porch waiting for the Mail person (to be completely P.C , although in my case it really is a man) to arrive, with what with any luck could be a letter/overdue paycheck/package from me. Or playing internet chess with a faceless adversary, which makes the glory in winning less potent but still worth a self congratulatory pat on my back. There's also the more common of time passers such as the almighty Telly and X-box, which I admit I resort to every now and then. All in all I have a lot of time to myself.

2. To the best of my knowledge I'm headed back to Tex-as in a month or so. Unless ofcourse by some twist of fate the plane runs out of fuel and we are forced to land in New Mexico and survive off shrubs and insects (and warm tequila) for the rest of our days...Then I believe it's safe to say that I will be safely on lone star soil, just in time for the summer heat wave. Lucky me.

3. There is no why. why doesn't even enter the picture. I'm going and that's it.

for all those who have given their prayers and best wishes to my endeavors I give my heartfelt thanks, maybe someday I'll be in the position to return the favor. Until then compadres.

The inevitable

2006-07-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

I'm back.

and already missing the fresh air and mosquitoes

the water was delicious and cold

....as was the beer

2006-07-07T08:10:00.000-07:00

"I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

In the Jungle.

2006-06-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

for this year's fireworks weekend I'm going camping. When news of this outing first reached my ears I politely declined, spending four sweaty summer days in a forest, and sharing a tent with all manner of creepy/stinging things seemed like a trip i could do without. Adventurous? Yes, but I've had more then my fair share of adventure in my life.
And I felt I could certainly go a weekend without. However all this changed when out of the corner of my ear I heard it mentioned that a array of alcoholic refreshments would be among us. There is just something particularly comforting in knowing that there's no chance of dying of thirst. And so camping it is.

Fun

fun

fun.

Hello darkness my old friend

2006-06-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

I wasted over an hour of a perfectly beautiful Tuesday morning with my head over a bowl of hot water because I remember being told once that it: quote "does wonders for your skin" and I thought: quote "at least there can't be any harm"

I was wrong. Very wrong.

now I have a red nose. A very red nose.

maybe the water was too hot. Or I left it in too long. Or the water molecules conspired to attack me unaware.

either way I'm not happy.

not happy.

Now there's panic at the disco

2006-06-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

wither it's men in make-up or a bearded woman.
there's a little something for everyone.

WARNING!

2006-06-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

The nerve of the rich and the famous

2006-06-20T14:32:00.001-07:00

Movie Star refuses to satisfy dying boy

So let it be written

2006-06-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

I love this woman

if only because when I stand beside her...
I am the normal one.

and so it was that we. During a rowdy weekend filled with much weeping and gnashing of teeth, decided to collaborate (as if there weren't already enough random/pointless blogs in existence ) on yet another one.
You can check us out at our closet from time to time and keep up with the uneventful happenings of us. But do bare in mind that it is still a work-in-progress, and our brainchild is still in fetus stage (a lime green fetus stage).
To this i must add that Gobbledy is and always will be my firstborn and more worthy of my (however inconstant) attention. Okay?

In honor of this underrated event i declare a semi-national holiday. so grab a beer or two or five and make some noise because it's a good day to be alive.

google it

2006-06-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

With all the time I have on my hands these days I've taken to reading intellectual sounding books. My current favorite is titled "The Highly Selective Dictionary for the Extraordinarily Literate"
(pictured below)

it has done wonders for my currently low self-esteem, causing me to regard others less literate then I as abeccedarians. (or in laymans terms a humble beginner)

i don't know what my point was with this. but i think it had something to so with how i hope someday to be as learned as Eugene Ehrlich the great Literary (but a bit more widely recognized).

The Untimely Return

2006-06-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

hello.

you're not hallucinating. It really is me. I'd like to say a classier and more physically fit me but it just wasn't meant to be...Then again if I went and changed too much you would have a hard time believing it really is me.

I don't have any excuses for my absence. At least no genuine excuses.
no broken bones. Family tragedies or membrane loss (although some would disagree )

the truth is...I was just too busy for such things.

you see how it is.

but I have returned. And the next time I leave I promise to take this eyesore with me for good. But don't keep your fingers crossed...There is still so much that needs to be said.

postscript: Zarqawi is dead!

Girl meets World

2006-04-17T21:36:00.000-07:00

i haven't really forgotten you...

only tried to.

but again and again you return to haunt me.

the voices say

"for always"

and they have never been wrong.

the days are longer without you. and the nights...but they don't want to know about that.
needless to say everything has changed, except you.

they say i have to go now. and there is no time to say good-bye. they don't like good-byes.

they say it only makes it worse.

so goodnight and good luck.

i'll distract them and you run away and hide
so we won't need to say good-bye.

Out of the Horses Mouth

2006-02-27T21:35:00.000-08:00

(I know I'm breaking a cardinal rule here and going back on my word. But I swear after this, I'll give blogger a nice vacation.)

in the news today, acclaimed film director/actor Woody Allen said:

"if my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job"

now that's satisfaction.

A near unfortunate event

2006-02-25T20:38:00.000-08:00

This will be my last word for awhile, for several reasons. Good reasons all of them, namely the absence of internet. I know...It's going to be rough. And several I've mentioned it to have asked how I'll survive a day, much less a week etc. Without my addiction. And I told them what I will now tell you: "He (capitalized to express Deity) gives us something better, then what he takes away."

so I'm looking forward to something pretty great.

It's been a jammed packed '06, with adventure. Travel. Coffee. Pay phones. Fast food. Boxed wine and the good company of friends new and old. Each in their own way, making life one big box of chocolates.

Yesterday morning, while on the last leg of my journey. I stepped off the bus, for a breath of fresh air, a pint of Ben and Jerry's, and one grossly-nutritious bottle of tomato juice for my traveling companion and her ever-maturing fetus. I noticed something was not right. A moment of careful scrutiny and then it hit me. My bus and only means of transportation was not where I had left it. Several hasty double-takes confirmed this truth and unsure of what to do next I devoted a moment to quite meditation. A feeling of calm settled over me (what spiritualists would describe as "a perfect peace") and as I stepped outside, and squinted in the mid-morning sunlight, my well-trained eyes caught the unmistakable glow of my companions' neon orange sweater, yeah, pretty much the sweetest sight ever. She waved, pointed me out to the driver and then re-boarded the bus, Leaving me to face my fate alone. The decidedly Latino bus driver shook his head slowly and said with a grin

"ah miss, you lucky you have such a friend."

I agreed. I really didn't have any other choice.

The other passengers cheered loudly. After all, two helpless gringas are twice as fun to stare at then just one. I hastily took a seat and did my best not to make eye-contact. My companion was just glad to have her tomato juice. And I, was indeed lucky to have such a friend.

The end.

To My Valentine

2006-02-20T19:19:00.000-08:00

Ready or not

2006-02-19T18:07:00.000-08:00

okay, i've been a bum about this t.a.g (truly annoying game) which appears to be all the rage in many blogging circles, avoiding this subject because i find it pointless and repetitive (which is really just a excuse for being lazy). i've thought about it and read what others have said and while i find myself agreeing with them and their idealism, it's just not my style. i don't have time to sit down and think about what qualities i admire in the masculine species. because...well there are just so many. i was looking forward to staying un-caught, but since a perfect someone took the time to "tag" me, it's the least i can do. thanks man.

first off i'm going to make up my own rules to play by, i hope you don't mind. the original eight was a bit overkill, i'm going to cut it down to four. which is a nice even number and also all i have time for. because i don't want others to suffer as i did, i will end it here. be forewarned i am going to be shallow because all the deep and profound qualities have been hit on repeatedly in every way, shape and form, and lastly, i won't ever do this again. now that is all said, sit tight and wish for the best.

(First Four Things I Look for in the Opposite Sex)

4. a good memory
3. ten fingers and toes
2. computer literacy
1. straight teeth

voila. and I'm spent. (editors notice: if you fit this profile and are within the 16-35 age bracket you can write to g.spot.the@gmail.com and receive a free e-card and random phone number, please enclose a color picture and your favorite ice cream flavor. )

well then. that about does it for me. i'm going to sleep and i just know i'm going to dream of brand new mesa boogies and/or babies, which has become insainly popular in these parts. allow me to be the last to congratulate the lot of you and wish you best of luck, (you'll need it) i'm nearly tempted to purchase one myself. because as you very well know...i'd do almost anything to be cool.

but just this once. i think i'll pass.

not today

2006-02-15T21:49:00.000-08:00

i don't feel like it.

maybe tomorrow.

Default

2006-02-14T20:11:00.000-08:00

I've been observing a two week hiatus from the wonderful world of web.
ending tomorrow. By then maybe I'll have something of interest to mention....Or not. I could always talk about the weather....again.

Now and at the hour of our death

2006-02-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

Pardon the silence. I've been preoccupied.

somehow in my busy schedule I still found time to catch the dreaded sickness the locals refer to as: The one-day Flu. Capital T capital F. I'm still on the look out for someone to blame. Typical.

the weekend started off pleasant enough and ended the same. Got a head start on spring cleaning, baby sat giggley children and had lunch out with women friends. The food sucked but the company more then compensated.

all in all I learned a lot this week, the do's and don't's of love, hate and whatever falls in between. I think I'm good to go. 'till next time.

the remains of the day

everyone loves eating out....

Compromise

2006-01-29T09:47:00.000-08:00

sometime over the weekend I was cleverly brainwashed as to the superiority of firefox vs ie. I'm still not completely aware of all the benefits but I figure along with all the "new leaves" I'm flipping over this yeah why not this as well. So firefox it is. For now anyway.

so I gave in. I compromised. But don't we all?

at least someone will be proud.

I would tell you about my day.

but I'm sworn to secrecy. Maybe someday.

g'night pilgrims. tomorrow will be perfect...

it will

it will

it will. (resolution dies...)

The Club

2006-01-29T07:54:00.000-08:00

I'm a lapsing contradiction every other word reeks of insecurity
only afraid to be alone,
when your next to me
When these shots discard their purpose
I'll wipe the fingerprints you left
so our respective friends won't ever guess
what never happened here
you're my pleasant nightmare and resident fear

Too late

2006-01-27T06:35:00.000-08:00

Well this is it darling,

you're leaving and I suck at good-byes. I promise I'll remember everything I wanted to say as soon as your gone, but for now I'm stuck in reality and it's glaring.
You're leaving, and there is every chance I missed coming back to taunt me. everything you deserve, everything you needed to hear, and I was too proud to say. we had good times, no one can fault us that.
It was you who made the "Anita Song" a instant classic, and there isn't a single day it isn't sung/hummed/played around the house. You're brilliant. And I'd post it here but I don't believe the general public is ready for such a display of passion. Maybe someday.
I'm going to miss our inside jokes.
Just look who turned out to be girlfriend material after all.
I'm disappointed.
I'm delighted.
I'd rather have you then a spotless room.
Rather then a bottle of the best in Texas (whatever that is) and a twelve pack to wash it down.
I'll miss Boris and his subversive KGB activities.
Your humor has no equal. I'll miss everything.

this is inadequate.

this is me.

I love you.

The Bohemian

2006-01-24T20:58:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I'm past sick of looking at those pale thighs every time I open this damn page, I've been too busy lately keeping up with my new favorite blogspots to focus on doing any creative posting of my own, I'm not apologizing. Just letting you know.
their gone now (the bruises, not thighs...Alas.) and as previously mentioned my continually revolving world is gradually spinning it's way back into control, well semi-control anyway.

I think I'd like to live here.

it looks somehow unreal in it's serenity, and god knows I could use some peace. So if one day I don't show up for work. You know where to find me.

and futhermore I've decided I hate alarm clocks, not dislike, I HATE (sorry dad, I know you taught me love not hate) but this time I mean it. They are obnoxious, unnatural, entirely unsympathetic, grating, unreliable and utterly inhuman. I'm contemplating boycott.

this has been a day of crossroads, running away and not even tempted to look back. Watch me, I'll make you proud of me yet.

Manhandled

2006-01-23T17:02:00.000-08:00

the innocent victim.

and the amused culprit.

they say time heals everything.
I'll let you know.

Zero visibility

2006-01-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

yesterday, quite by accident, I stumbled upon the key to survival. Be invisible.
from here on out, i will thrive.

today, our esteemed visitors will be departing and the house will be quiet again. Too quiet.
they will be sorely missed.

tomorrow, I'm breaking one promise to keep another, I only hope no one is seriously injured in the fall-out. But as we both know that's seldom the case.

and as for the future, your guess is as good as mine.

Drink Every Afternoon

2006-01-18T15:10:00.000-08:00

I started drinking coffee again. Cream and sugar. Almost forgotten how much I missed the stuff.

My eldest of siblings gave me a sporty digital for Christmas and I must say, for a cold, heartless piece of technology we've bonded rather fast. In fact I never leave home without it, all the while looking for potential blackmailing situations. I'll be sure to share the goods once I get my flash on them. And now before I forget, a shameless plug:

( cue cheesy theme music) thirsty? Tired of the same old brew.
why not try Pabst Blue Ribbon it's cheap, it's golden and there is no better way to spend an afternoon alone, or hanging with friends.
so next time your in the mood for a cold one, make it Pabst (end cheesy music)

*this is a unsolicited advertisement, unpaid for by the H.E.B foundation. Must be 21 years or over to purchase.

warning: don't drink and drive. Alcohol consumption is known to cause births and alcoholism. For everything else...There's mastercard.

wrong answer

2006-01-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

I was planning on venting. In fact I was saving some really good wrath to heap on you, yes you hapless reader(s) who have done absolutely nothing to diserve it. But then again who ever gets what they really diserve. But lucky for you, (you have no idea how lucky) a clever someone read my mind and coaxed it out of me, and now there's nothing left to say. Which is a good thing because I'd probably end up saying something I'd regret.

so as of this moment life is b-e-a-u-tiful. To sum up my day: I went to the movies with men-friends, nibbled on cheetos (only the best damn orange chips ever!!!) and laughed more then I have all year (ahah...all 14 days of it). I listened to KGB jokes all the way home and took graphic pictures of roadkill, and in a morbid moment wished to be as lucky as they. it was a phase. all better. arrived home to a house full of visitors and then some, gave the customary hugs and handshakes and then retreated to my own den, and here I am.

tomorrow has potential. but until then...i'm stuck in the tunnel.

Get a Life

2006-01-13T22:31:00.000-08:00

you told me that life is only what you make of it it. well then, i'm making it up as i go.

Friday the 13th. unlucky they tell me. i hold my breath, these days, far from apprehensive I’m only cautious.

sometime prior to noon, as i sat busily washing and slicing moldy strawberries in a last-ditch attempt to salvage them, humming along to Dave Matthews and fending off would-be pickers. i did some serious thinking.

clap for me.

you asked me what i thought about disappointment. i think it's inevitable, wither you set yourself up for it, or there's someone else to take the blame. it happens. and that leaves three viable options.

1. denial
2. acceptance or
3. (and my personal favorite) blame

and believe me i've done all three. it's ironic how many people prepare themselves for disappointment, and still act surprised when it comes. i'd like to think nothing will ever take me by surprise ever again. but that’s wishful thinking. life is full of surprises, among other things. there’s more along the same vain that all sounds very deep until it's written down, so i'll leave you with that. you'll have to figure out the rest on your own. good luck.

as for me, a potentially unlucky day turned out pretty darn good.although i did acquire some fresh cuts and bruises while playing cops and robbers with the youngsters. good solid fun.
and now I’m off to prepare for an adventurous weekend. 84,000 visitors and no where to hide. I’m contemplating temporary hermit-hood, living off the land. moonshine. venison. heck i would be one happy kitty. you'll see.

tHe PlaCe

2006-01-13T21:29:00.000-08:00

Under the guise of playing hard to get
you played in the street and let you're feet get wet
downtown no one knows you
down here you’re just the girl next door

I'll bring your favorite magazines
and the fairy tales you read when no one is looking
when you cry for a life where the ending is always nice
and you can laugh twice in the same day

these walls know your story
they hear you wake up cursing, pale and hungry
because you haven't eaten in a week
they don't build windows in this place, for your own sake
no one knows what happened or how long you'll have to stay
in this place, no one dare asks your name
up here you're just, the girl next door

I'll find the knife that cut you and bury it with you
with you, all is fair in love and war without missing a step,
they call you, the ghost next door
the bottle is empty and the glass is only half full
lie still, and don't let them find you sleeping
with the boy next door

give me a yard for every time i tried, and you will have given me the world.

2006-01-09T19:18:00.000-08:00

I Am: delighted.

emphasis on delight. oddly enough, I haven't a clue as to the source of my happiness. Maybe it's a hang over of vacation fever, or the remembrance of last night. Either way, I hope it sticks around.

in other recent news: a good friend left today, headed shortly to the African coast. I wish you nothing but the best darling. may the surf be good and the malaria mild. godspeed you.

as the world turns, I am contemplating a drastic change of scenery. New people and places excite me to no end. it's been too long since my last overseas adventure and I'm not getting any younger. So much world. So little time. I can't wait...

until then I remain a loyal Texan, because home is where the house is. Speaking of The lone Star State, the Spurs beat the Nets in last night's game. 96-91 respectively. It's a good excuse for beer and chips, and life has taught me one must take advantage of these things when they can. Here's to a good season to come. As for me, I'm going to take a nice long nap as a prelude to victory.

go on then. Off with you...

Trick and Treat

2006-01-09T08:52:00.000-08:00

do you even remember all those times?

when we stood in the rain
and didn't mind

when we trusted our best secrets
to perfect strangers

who listened and without saying a word

gave us invaluable advice

do you remember the way
he taught us how to survive....

to take one small step at a time.

to dance when your feet hurt

and sometimes to look the other way

and not say anything

but smile and embrace life

because it's a good day to be alive.

Players

2006-01-07T11:04:00.000-08:00

they met each other

they played each other
again and again.

and again

and again...

THE END.

Pearl harbor sucked, and I miss you

2006-01-04T16:20:00.000-08:00

As of tomorrow the inevitable happens and my days of rest and relaxation come to a ubrupt end. No doubt home will be as warm and inviting as ever, no doubt.

I am well prepared for whatever havoc has undoubtedly ensued since my departure. With six happy-go-lucky youths and no maids in service it's hardly surprising. I don't even want to think about what the kitchen looks like. It's going to be a crazy next couple of days I can tell you that. The good news is I'll be reunited with my favorite house buddies and be sleeping in my own bed again. And I hope to be doing a fair bit in the days to come.

but just in case...i think i'll take advantage of it while i can. no such thing as too much shut-eye.

good night ya'll.

Interrupted

2006-01-01T22:59:00.000-08:00

11:59, California time. Exactly 24 hours ago we had the typical countdown and toasts. Followed by the sound of bullets and firecrackers shot from rooftops in honor of the new year. Happy '06.

I'm visiting family in the Bay and thoroughly enjoying myself. Home seems a thousand miles away. Because it is. Fancy that.
we rang in the new year with 108 tolls on an ancient Chinese bell that with each toll symbolized forgiveness for the sins committed the past year. If only it was that easy. The constant rain overhead makes it perfect blanket and book weather, and the company makes it the perfect vacation. This time I promise pictures.

Hitler said: say something often enough and everyone will believe it.

so what do you say, is it working yet? Purr-fect.